Can I Live
This may be my most personal blog to date (if that's even possible). But instead of pointing out flaws in others I'm going to blog about Arize. In previous blogs I have talked about some of the things I go through in my endeavors but I don't think people understand Arize period. The good the bad and the ugly. I don't think people understand why I take things in business so personal, or why I get emotional when I feel I've been done wrong. and how can I blame you? You don't really know me, my struggles, my insecurities, my life period and many don't. But in this blog that will change and when its all said and done I will ask... CAN I LIVE?
The phrase CAN I LIVE comes from Jay Z who as as many of you know I quote often, it was his first album back when he was crossing over from underground legend to mainstream success. I find myself feeling this way. I mean don't get me wrong I was doing well as hoop magic but I never saw myself doing what I'm doing now. Making hundreds of thousands, having agents and other forms of representation to negotiate with potential sponsors and endorsement deals. Having a band who went from known to one of the best in the city playing alongside of some of the countries biggest stars. Going to clubs and walking in with out any form of a pat down. VIP tables, free bottles, all types of attention from females both old and young. Its a lot for a 25 year old to handle. I can honestly say it got to my head. I began to feel I was untouchable. Despite how shady things went down in Chantilly I did what I said I would do and built this company. and in two short years I became a household name. The band itself got me passes in almost any hood in the area. And I can't remember the last time I waited in a line. Everywhere I go it seems like someone knows me, regardless of if I know them or not. But the thing I didn't bargain for is the other side of notoriety.
BASKETBALL-
I'll start with the basketball. See the reason why I can talk about the money I've made from basketball is because the one thing people in basketball and in events period do is count your money. If I had a dollar for every person who either asked me how much I made from an event, or said "yall must have made about 20k from that last event" or "I heard yall made a killing at your last event and I heard yall concessions was booming" or just something to that effect I wouldn't need MTB cause I could pay my bills with that. Then there's the YOU GOT IT moments, people asking me to "borrow" money which you will never get back because "you got it" or going out with friends and them asking you to pick up the check EVERY TIME because "you got it" or even guys who work for you and feel they should make more from the event because they feel the event made a certain amount aka "you got it." CAN I LIVE?
Then there are the people who come out of no where and want to get close to you or get put on. I call that the "meal ticket moment." I saw a guy I went to high school with at a basketball game and when I went to shake his hand he was like naw. I was like what's wrong with you and he was like you been suppose to put me on. It's like I'm not allowed to say no I have to put EVERYONE on even thought before the success these guys weren't interested. They didn't pass out not one flier or invest not one dollar. You also have the older guys who come to me at game and say the same thing "I'm trying to do an event with you lets sit down and talk." Or "can you email me all your contacts." Are you serious? I remember when these guys weren't event answer my phone calls or were telling me that I was too young and should wait my turn. Now you want to do business and I can't say no. If I do I'm the young arrogant asshole? CAN I LIVE?
I can't even tell you how how many refs, or event personnel I've had to replace due to the fact that they started asking for more money only because of how much they ASSUMED we were making? Or tried to scheme me out of more money saying things like "you were $300 short." I had to stop paying in cash because it got so bad. I stopped going on message boards after my falling out with Capitol Hoops but I've been told by enough people the type of things are said about me on message boards (some of which I may deserve). Or how people completely misunderstand the More Than Basketball message and actually root against us. Its crazy to me because I didn't start any of these things with Takeover, Capitol Hoops, Hoop Magic, DeMatha or i95 Ballerz, these are all retaliations. They took my events to Takeover after I gave my life to them building THEIR business, they threw me out of the gym without even getting their facts, they called me for a meeting then tried to get others to run the events I came up with. They took events I thought up and took them to a competitor, they decided to boycott my events regardless of me inviting them and having the best talent. I responded but most don't see it like that. Just imagine what I haven't spoken about, the issues that exist with people who I don't feel are relevant enough to mention. I often sit up many a night and wonder if I would get more love if I were a 25 year old white kid like Capitol Hoops who isn't near as credible or educated but gets so many passes and so much support. Sometimes I really believe the whole crab in the bucket thing is real. CAN I LIVE?
GOGO BAND-
The band is aka for the streets and one of the things I learned from Jay Z is that the streets is always watching and talking. People know when you have new shoes, a new female around you even a new haircut. So when you do an event at Trinity University and 3,000 people come many of whom are inner city kids who know me from the band and know how we've come up it completely changes their perspective on you. They look at you like a lotto ticket and if they know they can't align themselves with you to be in a position to get put on then they are either gonna plot on you, rob you, hate on you or maybe even kill you. Its like successes elephant in the room. Some may try and do something to you just for the name which to a person in the streets is just as important as the money.
Then there is the female element of it or shall I say GROUPIE LOVE. I mean don't get me wrong anyone who knows me knows that I've always kept a bad chick or two but when you get that notoriety its a whole different beast. At our last show with Travis Porter a girl walked up to me at the bar and said "Do you have a condom on you" I'm like why and she says " Cause I wanna do it to you back stage when yall start playing again" And yall know how the girls in our generation dance. Its crazy too because I know some of their parents or brothers through basketball. Or I remember a lot of them when they were 16-17 4 years ago when I started now they are 20-21(some may be 18 or 19). Sound fun don't it? But you're forgetting how much females talk. How when you're known that they will use you to make a name for themselves. Or try and get pregnant on you. And the worst part is that they may lie on you or feel like you're not paying them attention or you hit it and quit it or might be dating a cold blooded killer who is either locked up and sends his people on you or will just get at you himself. I makes it not even worth it. I'm not event going to go into the baby mama drama cause that's just cliche at this point but that is VERY ugly. And the money just makes things worse. CAN I LIVE?
PERSONAL LIFE-
Then you have to actually try and live a normal life even though you're no longer normal. You begin to live your life hoping not to make mistakes or be an example or end up on the wrong side of history. And my upbringing wasn't without drama. I still have people out there who I was beefing with or is beefing with a friend of mine who if they catch me slipping would let me have it. I been shot at a few times over the last few years. Or been in a few fights with guys I had issues with back in the day but we ran into each other and it was what it was. I've even had my former roommate (a DeMatha grad and former player) come to court voluntarily to testify against me in court for an issue I had that stemmed from college. Speaking on things like drug distribution and weapon possession, assault and a bunch of other lies. I got a few guys who want to get at me because we were friends and I slept with their girlfriends (which was wrong). And they feel it's a principle thing. Or friends who I did put on but couldn't separate business from friendship and couldn't handle me firing them. I got jumped by two of my childhood friends because of it, nothing serious just some scratches and a few kicks in the back. See whether you know this or not a lot of people still consider 24-25 to be kids and people who are that age still do young things. I am not perfect myself. I too have a lot of maturing to do and in time I hope it will come. but as for now I'm just wondering CAN I LIVE?
I hope I gave readers an insight into my world. It is good but definitely has its bad moments. I'm sure after writing this people will take it all the wrong way and focus on the details as opposed to the message but hey I guess if I'm going to take the money and the benefits I have to accept the bullshit that comes with it. The lies, the hate, the prejudice, the stereotypes everything. I always thought these things wouldn't happen to me but that also goes to show that I'm still learning. But damn... CAN I LIVE?
See you Sunday at Takoma Academy for the Live For The Bump Mid Season Showcase...all pun intended. Action begins at 4:30pm
The phrase CAN I LIVE comes from Jay Z who as as many of you know I quote often, it was his first album back when he was crossing over from underground legend to mainstream success. I find myself feeling this way. I mean don't get me wrong I was doing well as hoop magic but I never saw myself doing what I'm doing now. Making hundreds of thousands, having agents and other forms of representation to negotiate with potential sponsors and endorsement deals. Having a band who went from known to one of the best in the city playing alongside of some of the countries biggest stars. Going to clubs and walking in with out any form of a pat down. VIP tables, free bottles, all types of attention from females both old and young. Its a lot for a 25 year old to handle. I can honestly say it got to my head. I began to feel I was untouchable. Despite how shady things went down in Chantilly I did what I said I would do and built this company. and in two short years I became a household name. The band itself got me passes in almost any hood in the area. And I can't remember the last time I waited in a line. Everywhere I go it seems like someone knows me, regardless of if I know them or not. But the thing I didn't bargain for is the other side of notoriety.
BASKETBALL-
I'll start with the basketball. See the reason why I can talk about the money I've made from basketball is because the one thing people in basketball and in events period do is count your money. If I had a dollar for every person who either asked me how much I made from an event, or said "yall must have made about 20k from that last event" or "I heard yall made a killing at your last event and I heard yall concessions was booming" or just something to that effect I wouldn't need MTB cause I could pay my bills with that. Then there's the YOU GOT IT moments, people asking me to "borrow" money which you will never get back because "you got it" or going out with friends and them asking you to pick up the check EVERY TIME because "you got it" or even guys who work for you and feel they should make more from the event because they feel the event made a certain amount aka "you got it." CAN I LIVE?
Then there are the people who come out of no where and want to get close to you or get put on. I call that the "meal ticket moment." I saw a guy I went to high school with at a basketball game and when I went to shake his hand he was like naw. I was like what's wrong with you and he was like you been suppose to put me on. It's like I'm not allowed to say no I have to put EVERYONE on even thought before the success these guys weren't interested. They didn't pass out not one flier or invest not one dollar. You also have the older guys who come to me at game and say the same thing "I'm trying to do an event with you lets sit down and talk." Or "can you email me all your contacts." Are you serious? I remember when these guys weren't event answer my phone calls or were telling me that I was too young and should wait my turn. Now you want to do business and I can't say no. If I do I'm the young arrogant asshole? CAN I LIVE?
I can't even tell you how how many refs, or event personnel I've had to replace due to the fact that they started asking for more money only because of how much they ASSUMED we were making? Or tried to scheme me out of more money saying things like "you were $300 short." I had to stop paying in cash because it got so bad. I stopped going on message boards after my falling out with Capitol Hoops but I've been told by enough people the type of things are said about me on message boards (some of which I may deserve). Or how people completely misunderstand the More Than Basketball message and actually root against us. Its crazy to me because I didn't start any of these things with Takeover, Capitol Hoops, Hoop Magic, DeMatha or i95 Ballerz, these are all retaliations. They took my events to Takeover after I gave my life to them building THEIR business, they threw me out of the gym without even getting their facts, they called me for a meeting then tried to get others to run the events I came up with. They took events I thought up and took them to a competitor, they decided to boycott my events regardless of me inviting them and having the best talent. I responded but most don't see it like that. Just imagine what I haven't spoken about, the issues that exist with people who I don't feel are relevant enough to mention. I often sit up many a night and wonder if I would get more love if I were a 25 year old white kid like Capitol Hoops who isn't near as credible or educated but gets so many passes and so much support. Sometimes I really believe the whole crab in the bucket thing is real. CAN I LIVE?
GOGO BAND-
The band is aka for the streets and one of the things I learned from Jay Z is that the streets is always watching and talking. People know when you have new shoes, a new female around you even a new haircut. So when you do an event at Trinity University and 3,000 people come many of whom are inner city kids who know me from the band and know how we've come up it completely changes their perspective on you. They look at you like a lotto ticket and if they know they can't align themselves with you to be in a position to get put on then they are either gonna plot on you, rob you, hate on you or maybe even kill you. Its like successes elephant in the room. Some may try and do something to you just for the name which to a person in the streets is just as important as the money.
Then there is the female element of it or shall I say GROUPIE LOVE. I mean don't get me wrong anyone who knows me knows that I've always kept a bad chick or two but when you get that notoriety its a whole different beast. At our last show with Travis Porter a girl walked up to me at the bar and said "Do you have a condom on you" I'm like why and she says " Cause I wanna do it to you back stage when yall start playing again" And yall know how the girls in our generation dance. Its crazy too because I know some of their parents or brothers through basketball. Or I remember a lot of them when they were 16-17 4 years ago when I started now they are 20-21(some may be 18 or 19). Sound fun don't it? But you're forgetting how much females talk. How when you're known that they will use you to make a name for themselves. Or try and get pregnant on you. And the worst part is that they may lie on you or feel like you're not paying them attention or you hit it and quit it or might be dating a cold blooded killer who is either locked up and sends his people on you or will just get at you himself. I makes it not even worth it. I'm not event going to go into the baby mama drama cause that's just cliche at this point but that is VERY ugly. And the money just makes things worse. CAN I LIVE?
PERSONAL LIFE-
Then you have to actually try and live a normal life even though you're no longer normal. You begin to live your life hoping not to make mistakes or be an example or end up on the wrong side of history. And my upbringing wasn't without drama. I still have people out there who I was beefing with or is beefing with a friend of mine who if they catch me slipping would let me have it. I been shot at a few times over the last few years. Or been in a few fights with guys I had issues with back in the day but we ran into each other and it was what it was. I've even had my former roommate (a DeMatha grad and former player) come to court voluntarily to testify against me in court for an issue I had that stemmed from college. Speaking on things like drug distribution and weapon possession, assault and a bunch of other lies. I got a few guys who want to get at me because we were friends and I slept with their girlfriends (which was wrong). And they feel it's a principle thing. Or friends who I did put on but couldn't separate business from friendship and couldn't handle me firing them. I got jumped by two of my childhood friends because of it, nothing serious just some scratches and a few kicks in the back. See whether you know this or not a lot of people still consider 24-25 to be kids and people who are that age still do young things. I am not perfect myself. I too have a lot of maturing to do and in time I hope it will come. but as for now I'm just wondering CAN I LIVE?
I hope I gave readers an insight into my world. It is good but definitely has its bad moments. I'm sure after writing this people will take it all the wrong way and focus on the details as opposed to the message but hey I guess if I'm going to take the money and the benefits I have to accept the bullshit that comes with it. The lies, the hate, the prejudice, the stereotypes everything. I always thought these things wouldn't happen to me but that also goes to show that I'm still learning. But damn... CAN I LIVE?
See you Sunday at Takoma Academy for the Live For The Bump Mid Season Showcase...all pun intended. Action begins at 4:30pm
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